Someone you love
is growing older. Acting strange. Losing their way. Forgetting things.
You accept that
seniors begin to forget as they age. But dementia was never on your radar. You
have Barbados, Cancun and Canary Islands catalogs on your coffee table. Your
biggest decision ahead is to pick where this year’s winter hiatus will be. You
need to hire a snow plow company so the snow will be removed from your drive
while you're away. You arrange for your neighbor to spot check the heat inside
your home periodically so no pipes freeze. You spend time dreaming of what to
pack, to add to the cute little blue and white bathing suit and cover-up you
just found on sale, the one you plan to wear while spending time in the sun by
the ocean. Next you must look up book titles you might like to read on the
beach.
Your loved one
walks in the door from a little afternoon out with friends. He had agreed, when
you called him earlier, that he would pick up a dozen eggs on his way
home. When he arrives, he has a loaf of bread. Well, he remembered
he needed to bring something home, he just didn’t remember what and did not
even know he had forgotten . . . he never thought to call to ask.
Normally, he
would respond to you with an apology when you tell him you asked for eggs. This
time he gets aggressive and denies you asked for eggs. He is beginning to
change in personality, but you think it is because you are home too much
together in retirement.
Then one day, he
comes home late. He can’t explain exactly why. He begins to concoct some story
about the car breaking down, and then switches to telling you he ran out of
gas. Your senses tell you something is not quite right about the discussion. At
the end you discover he took a wrong turn and didn’t know where he was. The
delay in arriving home reflects his driving around to find where he was. He
didn’t even remember he had a GPS that could help him find his way home.
You want to
suggest he might see his doctor to check if he is ok. But he doesn’t care to be
told when to see his doctor, after all he doesn’t tell you when to see
yours. Eventually, you decide to call his doctor and explain that
you’d like it if he could help get your loved one in for a visit without his
knowing you were involved.
Several months
later you get a call from the doctor asking if you had noticed any memory
issues? Did you think your loved one was being more forgetful than normal? It
doesn’t take you long to put it all together and agree, yes, you had
noticed. So, when the doctor says your loved one is to have a set of
memory tests, you are rather pleased because something might
be discovered.
And then the day
comes. You and your loved one are sitting across from his doctor. You hear the
words mild cognitive impairment. Unfamiliar with the term, you ask
for clarification. And then it hits you, your loved one is in the
beginning stages of Alzheimer's disease, memory loss. A fatal disease that
never goes away and will change your life forever. And neither of you knows
much about it.
In that instant,
during that meeting, even though no one asked if you were up for the job, you
become a caregiver. Circumstance put you on the path with your loved one. You
are going to be taking care of him for the rest of time. You, alone. If you
have family, they might learn to help once in awhile.
Now what do you do?
Do not let the
inexperience of caregiving silence you.
You have arrived
at the crossroads, the juncture in life where caregivers generally realize
their life is going to change along the path ahead, as they head toward an
unfamiliar world. Many go through the same thought process asking themselves:
“Why did this
happen to me?”
“I didn’t ask for
this job!”
“What do I do?”
“How will I do
it?”
“Who will help
me?”
“Where will I
find help?”
Quickly,
caregivers have to learn about support. I didn’t even know what that really
meant. We had to learn. I became truly exhausted before we realized we needed
support. I had no idea what was available because I had been turned away
earlier. Too trusting, frightened and naive, I never went back to pursue. My
error.
Keep asking
questions. Talk to everyone you know. Do not let the inexperience of caregiving
silence you. Interrogate! You be the interviewer. Be courageous. If you make
your needs known, there are people who will be reaching out to you, holding
your hand as you make your crossroads decisions, as you cross the wobbly,
slippery rocks to join that incredible group called caregivers.
Amazing caregivers need support to keep going. Believe me, you will be awesome. You will find inner strength, what Deepak Chopra calls your buried treasure. Then, reach out for the support you will need to keep going. Take the first steps.
Amazing caregivers need support to keep going. Believe me, you will be awesome. You will find inner strength, what Deepak Chopra calls your buried treasure. Then, reach out for the support you will need to keep going. Take the first steps.
Do something each
day that makes your heart sing. jas
Original
photograph in post by James Wheeler, Souvenir Pixels
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LEAVE COMMENTS related to caregiving to share with others. So many caregivers...so many stories! Thank you jas